A Letter to Desiré

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Image from Wallpaperup.com

Image from Wallpaperup.com

Dear Desiré !

I write to you because I heard you said:

 How you would love to fall in love and to know that he would be just the right person to marry.

I think I had the same dreams as a teenager as you, and having lived most of my life, I would like to ask you some questions about your wish for finding the right man to share your life with. Thinking about the answers might help you to make decisions that will give you the satisfaction in life.

  • First of all how do you value yourself? Low, middle or high? Our self-image is based on how we were treated by our parents as children and teenagers. If we despise ourselves it’s very hard to make a good choice in about a future spouse.
  • When you are getting to know the person you love, do you dare to look at how he reacts in times of pressure ?
  • How does he handle money and how does he speak of, and treat your friends and family?

You maybe object to these investigative questions thinking I am not romantic enough.

To be in love is the main thing !

I will gladly tell you why I am so strict about it and why I ask “unpleasant” questions:

Having lived for many years I know that a person’s character is only changed if that person want to change. Often the flaws in character, like having a light way of handling money or the truth, you will see these traits in a bigger degree as time go by and the first cloud of love has flown by.

So my heartfelt advise is to love yourself so much that you judge the one you have fallen in love in, by the  answers to these questions.

Now it’s not only him who has to have a so-called good character, but while you wait for him to arrive, you work on your character so that he will regard you with love. If both of you are loving and forgiving then you will be able to live a good and long life together.

The opinion on the content of my letter depends very much of the morale code you have in life. If you regard choosing a partner as something you dispose of as soon as it becomes boring then you shouldn’t ask me!

As I see it, it’s a serious decision that involves your whole life, your future children’s life and your own close family. If it turns up that your choice of a man hurt you and abuse you it will effect your family and they are not really able to help before you get away from him. It takes a long time to heal emotionally and if you have children they will also be marked somehow.

Please don’t think I am so over-anxious about this issue. Trust in your good common sense and answer for your self these questions and a last thing:

  • Do you have interests in common? If he only like sports on television and you like to hike in the nature then both will be very bored.

I wish you the best for the choices of your future husband.

Love MH   XXXX

Categories: Character

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25 Comments »

    • I am so glad you understand my intention with the letter. I had a good friend who warned me in vain. She had opinions on the one I had fallen in love with. I ignored her and paid the price. But I think questions are so much better and help you think for your self

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    • I am so glad you could use it. I think it’s such a shame that many errors are put on repeat in every generation. It’s so hard for teenagers to talk “love things” with their parents, but also difficult for the parents. It’s like the generational gap tries to hinder the communication and falling in love you really get totally blind and deaf.

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  5. Who in your life actually treated you well and deserved your respect? The man who influenced me most as a child was my mother;s father. He was a retired Navy sailor who treated his wife with respect and care. He was the type of man I wanted to marry! Met a guy like him my junior year in college. Took him home to meet my grandparents. They fell in love with him. When I asked the man to marry me, he refused. Next time we returned back to visit my family, he wanted to ask my father’s permission to marry me. Told him if he did that, I would not marry him. Let him know if he wanted to ask permission, he needed to ask my grandpa! So we had our normal Sunday lunch while there, Too grandma back into the front room to explain that the guy wanted to speak to grandpa alone. The two were laughing loudly after about twenty minutes. Grandpa had given him permission to wed me. We drove home with a cooler full of leftovers from lunch. In a few days, he asked me to marry him. We have been happily married ever since!

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  6. Thank you, Maria. Sage advice. Some will not take, and they may well suffer, and that can be okay, too–we all have to learn our own lessons, after all. But we are wise to look to our elders for guidance. Thank you for being one of them.

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  9. Great post! I agree with the fact that there is need for in depth scrutiny before venturing into marriage. It’s a bit sad to hear comments these days such as “oh I can always get a divorce if it is not working out” forgetting that the lives of others may be inadvertently affected. Good advice.

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  10. It is important to take a very serious look at the men you are dating before you even move closer into a relationship. I think young women should read your note and answer those questions before getting in so deep that it becomes traumatic to break it off. I think it is better to love and respect yourself enough to not enter into relationships with men that you know ultimately will not be good for you just because you are afraid of being lonely.

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