A Letter to Desiré
Dear Desiré !
I write to you because I heard you said:
How you would love to fall in love and to know that he would be just the right person to marry.
I think I had the same dreams as a teenager as you, and having lived most of my life, I would like to ask you some questions about your wish for finding the right man to share your life with. Thinking about the answers might help you to make decisions that will give you the satisfaction in life.
- First of all how do you value yourself? Low, middle or high? Our self-image is based on how we were treated by our parents as children and teenagers. If we despise ourselves it’s very hard to make a good choice in about a future spouse.
- When you are getting to know the person you love, do you dare to look at how he reacts in times of pressure ?
- How does he handle money and how does he speak of, and treat your friends and family?
You maybe object to these investigative questions thinking I am not romantic enough.
To be in love is the main thing !
I will gladly tell you why I am so strict about it and why I ask “unpleasant” questions:
Having lived for many years I know that a person’s character is only changed if that person want to change. Often the flaws in character, like having a light way of handling money or the truth, you will see these traits in a bigger degree as time go by and the first cloud of love has flown by.
So my heartfelt advise is to love yourself so much that you judge the one you have fallen in love in, by the answers to these questions.
Now it’s not only him who has to have a so-called good character, but while you wait for him to arrive, you work on your character so that he will regard you with love. If both of you are loving and forgiving then you will be able to live a good and long life together.
The opinion on the content of my letter depends very much of the morale code you have in life. If you regard choosing a partner as something you dispose of as soon as it becomes boring then you shouldn’t ask me!
As I see it, it’s a serious decision that involves your whole life, your future children’s life and your own close family. If it turns up that your choice of a man hurt you and abuse you it will effect your family and they are not really able to help before you get away from him. It takes a long time to heal emotionally and if you have children they will also be marked somehow.
Please don’t think I am so over-anxious about this issue. Trust in your good common sense and answer for your self these questions and a last thing:
- Do you have interests in common? If he only like sports on television and you like to hike in the nature then both will be very bored.
I wish you the best for the choices of your future husband.
Love MH XXXX