Difficult Questions in Times of Crisis 

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On my way to be released from the hospital after three days of being unconscious the doctor stated:

“You had a lot of alcohol in your blood “

To me, it sounded like an accusing question and even though he was right I couldn’t answer anything. I felt the heart behind his statement that he was not the least interested to help me. My joints were all stiff and I sat in a wheelchair feeling totally rejected.

Many years after my youngest boy was out of his mind after experimenting with drugs. He was fourteen years old and not well integrated into the small town we had moved to after five years in Sweden.  A lady in the church asked me:

” Aren’t drugs involved in this case ?”

She had two lively teenage sons herself. After that, I never wanted to talk to her again. I was in an acute crisis and wanted someone to understand and help.

There is a reason behind self-destructive behaviour. For me, it was a feeling of not being allowed to live or have no future and it might have been the same difficulty my son went through.

To come back on track again Faith Hope and Love are needed. Someone has to talk these positive things into being in a life that’s knocked down. I had a faithful friend in 1974 who kept contacting me at that critical time and who managed to convince me that I was still loved and that God had a good plan for my life. I chose to stick to the Bible from that time.

Erins billede Thank you

 

I tried to help my son by letting him listen to Christian children’s tapes I knew he had liked as a young boy and to speak health over him. Somehow he reacted as if he understood though doped with heavy psychoactive drugs that only let him be awake a few hours at a time. Today he is studying law and enjoys it.

My blogger friend BeautyBeyondBones has this Quote Art Picture on Twitter that can help to continue the fight for life. Don’t give up!

I’m sure I have sometimes been insensitive to other people’s crises too at least I have sometimes received the “cold treatment” for trying to involve myself in difficult family situations at work. Asking too directly can be felt devastating!

What works best in times of crisis is to be available in a natural way. To be able to listen to the chaotic thoughts and worries without having answers ready but to be very supportive also in practical ways. As a health visitor, I phoned people who had lost a child or a spouse and told them that I would come and visit if they liked, and I offered a certain date. Then I would follow up on it on another occasion later. The steps I took to the visit were always very heavy, but afterwards, I felt it was the right thing to do. I would just listen and be encouraging trying to create some order in the chaotic situation and find other people who could help. To be able to express your story to a person who cares is a start of the healing process.

If questions are needed to open up in a difficult situation you have to consider how you make your questions. A soft way is to try to describe the situation and then the hurt person could say:

“No it’s not like that but it’s something else”!

Maybe the story comes from that. At least that’s how I would like to be treated!

Last night I suddenly found a post from a blogger called ElsieWrites on a new view on how to look at difficult times. The quote is from the Bible:

“And it came to pass.” That means even the difficult situation will pass! I could identify with what she says that it feels like an eternity if you are in difficult circumstances, going through grief, sorrow or shame.

 

What would you suggest as a good help in times of crisis? You are very welcome to guest blog on this very important subject!

Categories: Biography, Children, Family history

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23 Comments »

  1. Thank you again, Maria, for sharing my tweet. What a powerful piece. I don’t pretend to know why we have to endure trials and hardships, but I have to trust that God is in control and he will turn everything into good. Hugs to you my friend xx

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    • If you would like Catherine to guest blog on the subject on how to communicate with people in a crisis/ or who you know treat their child in a very wrong way. Two different subjects that I go back to over and over. I would be very happy to present it in a post, but only if you think it’s a good idea

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  5. Maria, You are right. Sometimes the best thing to do for a family in crisis is just to be present for them. I have been through many hard things with my children and have found that the best medicine is just a hug, friendship offered and a chance to talk when I was ready.

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  7. This is a great article. How we show our concern to people in crises is so important, and we often get it wrong. I love your words “..Faith Hope and Love are needed. Someone has to talk these positive things into being.” And your advice about trying to describe what you see and asking if you got it right is spot on! Well done.

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