Looking back at a Date and a Year
I got a new Facebook friend soon after I had left my job as a health visitor in March 2014.
She then wrote that “This date four years ago my beloved boyfriend died”. I reacted to that update and we got friends. My husband and I soon went to see her as we normally stay in Copenhagen close to her home. It was a special moment of encouragement for both her and me.
There is something to recurring dates that has had a huge impact on our lives.
October 4, 2011, was such a date for me. No nobody died but something in my soul died an I felt as the date approached that I could give it a try to write about it to get over it and maybe understand what was going on at that time five years ago.
The last years of my work conditions had become still more tense and difficult. Either we had new leaders or none and seldom a leader who knew much about my profession as a health visitor. Sometimes we had to move into new localities, IT system was also exchanged to something few knew anything about. The IT needs of the social workers and the administration were never the same as our needs. I somehow managed to adjust to these things trying to do my work as usual among the new-born babies in the families and at the schools teaching children on health and checking how they were doing.
Five years ago I had a leader who even had the same profession as I. Over her and us all was another boss who we would call the “big leader”. She was very tall and had the ability to be very mood changing. My boss was always very smiling which confused me. At the time she had been there for two years. In the beginning, I was pleased that she had my kind of education. She would understand the conditions on how my group worked. Slowly I found out that her goal was to be at the centre of power and her loyalty was with “the big leader”.
For some weeks I had struggled with a lot of problems coming from checking 4 eight grades’ classes at one big school. The job took me far more time than scheduled because I found so many with problems.
- Eating disorders
- other emotional disorders, problems at home
- Feelings of not being accepted as newcomers, not showing up in the school
- Smoking cigarettes and drinking alcohol
- Self-destructive behavior
I tried to find ways to help them and felt very alone in this. Why hadn’t the teachers or families not asked for help a long time ago?
One day an angry teacher showed up and interrupted me. Maybe she wanted to control what I was doing? I had talks with the young people individually and making hearing and eyesight tests and weighing and measuring them during the time I had with each. Maybe she asked me why one of the girls had cried after the visit. It is hard to remember. When you talk about things like how they are doing this can happen. Some are sad they weighed too much even if it is not mentioned like that.
Late a Monday afternoon my boss told me that there was trouble at the school and I was supposed to come to the “big leader” two days later.
That was when I fell in a big dark hole. Would any of the two leaders understand my motives and what was going on? My brain wouldn’t function and it seemed that only very soothing music and bible verses from the Psalms could help me not to collapse completely. The day came along as all days do. We had newly gone through moving our offices from one place to an old hospital building instead of getting a new big office for us all. The blinds were not yet put in order in her office so everybody walking through the corridor could have a look at me and my two bosses. I had a colleague with me though. One who had opinions on me that I wrote more on the computer that was normally done. (I documented my work).
I think I managed to explain to the big boss that I had found an endless amount of problems in the four classes. I wore a black dress that I very rarely use.
Their conclusion came to me some days later that my boss should come around with me at visits to check up on my way of communication.
I found it humiliating and it showed up that she couldn’t find the time for it so I waited for some months hoping she would forget about it. She didn’t and went out with me on three occasions. She never found anything to criticize. She had already moved me from the school where I had worked for 11 years. Some teachers found out and gave me presents.
What bothers me is that I will never know what the parents or teachers had against me. The end of the story is that my boss was removed suddenly from her job three years ago and the big leader was asked to leave with one day’s notice the six months after I had left in 2014. It is nothing I enjoy I just tell you what happened. My former colleagues are left with new not so good leaders. They visit me sometimes and tell me that it is difficult to do their jobs properly.
I miss the children and babies and the young mothers, but not the work conditions!
The bible verses from my reading plan on the date of the meeting was from Psalm 97:10-12
O you who love the Lord, hate evil; He preserves the lives of His saints, He delivers them out of the hand of the wicked.
Life is sown for the righteous and strewn along their pathway, and joy for the upright in heart (the irresistible joy which comes from consciousness of His favor and protection)
An article from Charisma Magazine reminded me of how strong the Word of God is to comfort in difficult times. If this situation had happen to me today I would remember that when I have good intentions and have done my best you I have nothing to fear and I could have asked about what had upset the parents or teachers.
My Facebook friend is doing better. She is engaged in a new education and I hope she will find a new and loving man someday.