The Importance of Being Adult As a Parent
Two Scenarios were seen on travel
beautiful and well-fed child. She gives him the pacifier, still without looking. I stand quite close and can’t help following the episode, then I find an empty seat and escape to try to forget about what I know about the importance of interacting with your small infant. The ride goes on, and as nothing changes between them, I decided to try and talk with the mother.
You have a beautiful baby boy!
The mother smiles and I continue
Do you know that it is very important for a child to be spoken to and to receive eye contact? His emotional developement and his ability to speak and understand what’s going on between people depends on that
She was not irritated or angry with me for saying that and she even thanked me for telling her.
I hope she will remember the lesson as the child never seemed to have developed the sounds from the start as a base of his future language abilities. In Denmark, we still have professional health visitors who teach these things in the homes of the families. In Sweden, where I saw this, parents go to Health Clinics at certain times. It’s easier to play the role of the good mother at a clinic than observed at home.
2. The other episode. We stayed with a couple with two small children. I don’t know why but the mother seems to have two states of minds. One is on, and the other is off. It was like that before she had children too. When the off button is on, I get an empty feeling inside. It seems there is nothing to say or do about it when you are a visiting relative.
Just wait and later on the mother is lively and active again. The children only eat very little because as soon as they object to food, they are let off the table. One day the little girl had gone a whole day without having eaten nearly anything. When the father came home after a long day’s work, she let loose of her exhaustion and screams for wanting to go to have a hamburger. I said that she must be starving and needed proper food immediately. I am glad to say that she then ate and felt better. The two siblings don’t talk a lot when they play, and I couldn’t really hear if they spoke in sentences.
When the mother was in a good mood, she did speak with them, and they were able to answer.
It’s difficult to be a witness to such a defective kind of communication between a mother and her children without being able to have a conversation about the consequences.
I grew up with a father who shunned our company when I was growing up. After he died 11 years ago, I have written about my relationship with him and it has helped me to see him in a more positive way. As a pre-teenager, I developed anxiety and had difficulties in expressing myself freely in groups or at school. To this day, I still find it hard to cope with conflicts that arise between family members or other people.
To cope with a parent who the children know is unreachable, they will learn that they are left alone in the situation and will have to manage on their own or, if possible ask other people for help or company. The stress level is high and is shown in them being either too quiet or out of balance. A false self will be developed where the child plays a role in what is expected. To get over it will take years of therapy, unfortunately.
To be a good enough parent, you have to be willing to set aside your own needs and desires for the benefit of a child.