Social Anxiety or Introvert

One of my blogging friends Vincent Mars with his blog “Boy with a Hat” has been interviewed by Anna Cutteridge at her blog about his feelings about always have preferred to be alone. The first question:

How do you feel about the diagnosis or term ‘social anxiety’?

Social anxiety isn’t necessarily an illness, but a peculiar character type. When it’s so bad that it affects your relationship with other people, it should have a name. But the name itself can make it worse. Not all of us are as social as others. This itself isn’t the problem. Rather, the problem is when we try to do things that don’t fit our character, in order to fit the mold. If there are no physical symptoms other than anxiety, the best treatment may be a deeper understanding of yourself. I recommend Susan Cain’s The Power of Introverts.

I recommend reading the rest of the interview via the link Boy with a Hat 


I can identify with Vincent on the need of being alone. As a child I felt overwhelmed when playing with children I didn’t know well and at school, I hated when our teacher wanted us to work in groups. To be sent to a summer camp was traumatic for me the first time as I had never been away from home before the age of 11.

I admit that during my many years at work I felt an enormous pressure when I couldn’t just go on doing my job as I wanted to perform it. The many meetings at the office were exhausting and seldom did accomplish any result.

We can look at nature. Some birds are always seen in huge flocks and others like the Robin you only see one by one. Both types of birds are perfectly normal. They never reproach themselves for not changing their behaviour.

So could we accept that some of us prefer to be alone like a robin and others love to be like sparrows in huge flocks?





Vincent left high school without the final exam but he seems to flourish and his blog has 22,135 followers


Pixabay a robin


  1. I once wrote something along these lines. I agree with you – I’ve always been good with my own company and most enjoyed work when I was doing a solo job. But there’s an important distinction to be drawn between alone and lonely. Just because I live alone it doesn’t automatically follow that I’m lonely. And I’m not! Some people can’t make that distinction.

    Liked by 1 person

    • So true Clive. If I was forced to do a lot of things with others like having breakfast etc it would be stressful. It’s like ideas come freely to me when alone and the group events/ social things have to be controlled in like two hours as the ideal time period

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  2. I feel I’m still figuring out myself as a socially anxious person. Very recently last year I started to make sloppy efforts to pull myself out into the world and push myself out of my comfort zone. I don’t think I’ve got the hang out it yet even now. Part of me does want to have an active social life. Sometimes I feel like I am playing a role to keep up appearances or letting people see me in a light that doesn’t truly represent the real me. An example is Facebook. I sometimes post pictures of places I visit or check into locations. A friend of mine noticed how active I’ve been and told me this, although I admitted to him that while social media gives the impression I am hanging out with people most of the time, the reality is that 8 out of 10 times I usually go to places alone. He didn’t see this as a bad thing and actually said it’s more acceptable nowadays to hang out alone. Sometimes I do feel pressure to be together with people more. But maybe I don’t have to be someone I’m not? Actually, in my experience, a few hours of social interaction leaves me very winded afterwards and I feel the need to recover with a few days of solitude. Is that weird or normal??

    I have to agree that the name itself (social anxiety) can make sometimes things worse. Especially around people who have little to no knowledge of what social anxiety actually is, it can be misinterpreted as something it is not. I do not see social anxiety as a mental illness, but it is a contributing factor to my mental health.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thank you for your description of your situation here. I think the best way is to accept that you function that way and like to do things alone. My next post is on this same topic so keep in touch/love Maria

      Liked by 2 people

      • Yeah, that sounds about right for my case. I’ve always thought I was strange for preferring alone time. Sometimes I even find it overwhelming living with other people (my parents) and long for a solitude home life. Maybe someday but not now since I’m not financially able to move out yet.


      • I hope it will not take so long for you to find harmony as it took for me. You already know a lot now and it helps to understand yourself to accept that “I am like that and that is perfectly okay”. Please email me if you you need more support along your way to independence. I am just now working on the post that explains more about how I coped with it/ love Maria

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